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Thanks to This Weird New Contest, You, Too, Could Pump Iron with David Patreaus

What a great way for Petraeus to find his way back into the public light.

Ten dollars can buy a lot of things--mostly crappy things. At the video store, $10 will buy you a new DVD or probably even a Blueray these days. At Taco Bell, $10 will buy you seven of the new Cool Ranch tacos. At a bar in New York City, $10 will buy you one watered-down cocktail (not including tip). But on the Internet, for a limited time, $10 will buy you the chance to win a private workout session with fitness addict, military machine, former CIA director and all around adulterer Gen. David Patraeus.

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That's right folks. A new charity challenge called the Mission Continues is running a contest that offers some lucky loon the chance to win a workout with the General. Not only do you get to go on a run around the National Mall with Patraeus, you also get to do some "mental" exercises, i.e. "discussing military strategy over a well-deserved coffee." Maybe you can tease some confidential information about America's top secret and too deadly drone program out of him in the process. Probably not, and there will probably be some sort of handler there to make sure you keep your hands and probing questions to yourself.

Suffice it to say, $10 isn't too much pay for the chance to enjoy the "Petraeus experience." (Yes, that's really what it's called.) You can enter similar contests to play Battleship with retired Admiral Mike Mullen. The Admiral might even let you put on Battleship, the world's worst movie starring Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights, in the background.

Believe it or not, the round of contests gets more ridiculous. I won't give away all the fun, but (spoiler) there is one experience that involves the band Linkin Park. It's all real, too. "This is happening," Lindsey Hodges, development director for The Mission Continues, told Wired. "All of these experiences are confirmed." And it's for a good cause. You're $10 will go towards a number of programs the charity challenge runs for veterans.

What a great way for Petraeus to find his way back into the public light. Heck, at this point, Petraeus doing a commercial for Locos Tacos would be a good thing to do. It's like your mom always says: When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. Or, in David Patraeus's case, the only way to go is, "Which way is the gym?"