I don’t know how LA people do it. From what I’ve heard, it’s hot there, like, year-round. No winters—no seasons at all—just heat, smog, and more heat. No changing leaves, no sledding, no drunken snowball fights, and never getting to experience the unmatched feeling of walking into a warm bar, dusting the snow off your jacket, plopping down on a barstool with your buddies and taking a big gulp off a frosty pint while the football game you don’t really care about plays in the background. Yeah, a place without winter seems a little hellish, but do you, West Coasters. (I guess you have the desert, or something. Seems a bit… dry.)
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Me? I’m a winter guy. I grew up in the northernmost part of the best state in the union (New Jersey) where it snows a ton. Having to come up with Halloween costumes that would keep me warm, driving to New Hampshire to ski at the mountain near my grandparents’ house, and praying that my ‘06 Honda Element would start on cold January mornings were just parts of life—parts that I loved, and still love to this day, though lately, the ski trips are few and far between, and I don’t make it back across the river as much as I’d like to. The thing about winter is that it’s hard. It gets really, really fucking cold in New York, and if you’re not used to that, it might be a little bit of a shock, even if most of the real work is done for you in the city (plowing the streets, shoveling sidewalks, salting the stoop). I went to college in downtown Manhattan, where it snows hard, and snows often. I had some friends from LA, and getting to watch someone see snow for the first time (ideally via a good-natured snowball to the dome) is a beautiful thing. And then, of course, there are the super-humid summers, which might be equally unnerving to West Coasters who are used to arid heat, and solace in the shade. August in New York is a sauna… well, if you were in a really, really big sauna that also had bags of trash all over the sidewalks. One of the best parts about East Coast summers is that it stays warm at night, but then again that also means your apartment retains heat, too. And don't forget that in New York, we walk everywhere, since almost none of us drive or own cars. Shitty weather doesn’t slow anything or anyone down, and unless you’re living la vida rica, your building probably won’t have central air. Yep, northeastern weather is no joke—especially if you’re unprepared.
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As moving season rears its ugly head, we’re sure some of you SoCal folks will be contemplating making the jump to greener—err, more meteorologically volatile—pastures in the northeast, whether for work, relationships, or just a change of scenery. Obviously, you’ll need to upgrade your wardrobe, and outfit your apartment with some creature comforts. There are a million more quirks and regional things-to-know that’ll you’ll figure out when you get here, but the tips below are a good place to start, regardless of your borough. … Now, and in the hour of our heatstroke-related death, which is likely coming this week. LA folks, be warned: Unless you’re living in a luxurious temple of gentrification, your apartment building almost certainly won’t have central air conditioning. Get a wall unit, learn to love it, and try not to let it fall out of your window. A fan! A box fan is like a baby AC when you either have been too spacey/drunk/busy/lazy to put your AC in the window; are in an in-between season where you need ventilation and circulation, but don't want to run up your power bill; or you just have a messed up window shape that doesn't accommodate a proper air conditioning unit. This purple one from Lasko is powerful but lightweight (only seven pounds), and adds a nice color accent to an otherwise drab living space.
Holy AC, mother of chill, pray for us sinners…
What's in the box???
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Book a calf massage in advance
A bike
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Laugh all you want, but a grocery cart will save your life
A big ass tote bag
The blueprint for Yankee No Brim
What are they selling? Chocolate?
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Existential pain, pain, go away
Boots that actually serve a purpose
Jackets that you’ll never zip up
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Heattech, a word that means nothing on the West Coast
Fits like a _____
Now all that’s left to bring is a brisk walking pace, an incorrect opinion on bagels, and a healthy hatred of Bill de Blasio.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.