On a deep trawl through the darker reaches of Spotify's catalogue - venturing past pan pipe reworks of indie hits and Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Body Workout mix - I stumbled upon something called 'Yogafication'. A process, if you haven't already guessed, that involves reworking pop songs into the sort of calming arse-flute sound that usually accompanies the realignment of the Vishudda chakra.It all seemed a bit weird - maybe because there's something distressing about the wildly eclectic mixture of songs reimagined for the purpose of striking a pose but also because quite a lot of the songs involve negative things, like cowboys from hell, rape, and misogyny. But then again, maybe Yogis have waited too long to enjoy something other than more traditional ambient wind-chime and calming ocean soundboard accompaniments. So, grab a mat, lay flat, and lets explore an undiscovered realm of harps, glockenspiels, xylophones, and Slipknot. As we reach for a higher plane, let's try not to slice our own ears off in the process.Here's a few of the more questionable things to "breathe in and out" to while attempting the Seated Twist.Lets begin with the thought of money raining down on the sweating grimace of Robin Thicke. Semi-nude girls jiggling around him as we centre ourselves. And when it gets to the bit when T.I raps about "Tearing your ass in two" try to block out his misogynist bullshit and really lean into that stretch.
Suggested Pose: Recalcitrant Dog
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Relax and Realign Your Chakras With Spiritual Reworkings of Slayer and Slipknot
A unique trend solves the problem many young Yogi have been waiting for: being able to meditate while listening to songs about cowboys in hell.