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    The Strangest, Most Hilarious Threads On Gun Forums

    Written by

    Derek Mead


    Forums and message boards are some of the only things left from the halcyon days of the early Internet. They’re also likely to last as long as the Internet itself does. In a way, they are the Internet: a free place for anyone to spew out whatever’s swirling around in their brain. That means forums are filled with plenty of hilarity, fright, praise and hate to match the modicum of useful information they were designed to hold.

    That holds true as well for gun forums, of which there are plenty web-wide. A lot of gun owners are normal people who get a bad rap. They’re interested in hunting, home protection or collecting, just like anyone else is interested in anything else. It’s a hobby. Then again, there are also a lot of crazies. They also happen to be crazies with guns. So, for fun, I dove into the world of gun forums to find the real non sequiturs within their thousands of threads. It’s like a nice, sweet representative slice of the Internet pie cooling on a star-spangled American windowsill.

    Post a pic of something that you own, and will bet a team membership that nobody else here has. (AR15.com)

    User legalese77 shared his “1984 Mongoose with original Tuff Wheels II Mag wheels.” This thread is wonderful because it really sums up forums and the Internet in general: people sharing all kinds of weird shit just for the sake of impressing more or less complete strangers. That’s not to be snarky either; I genuinely enjoy the sentiment.

    Help me name the new child! (Gunsnet.net)

    F-16 CHIEF wrote “Seriously. We have another daughter coming in September and we can’t think of a name. Maybe a free magazine for someone if we choose your suggestion. Let’s hear it. And no Bambi or Bubbles. Sickos….”

    I think this thread highlights how real the community aspect of some forums are. It’s easy to write off forums—especially gun forums—as havens for a bunch of nuts given a free place to rant on the Web. Honestly, that’s often true. But here’s a guy so trusting of the rest of his forum members that he’s willing to put one of the most personal decisions in his life up for discussion. Of course, a fair number of people start suggesting various porn names, but that’s beside the point.

    Regarding menstration when the SHTF (SurvivalistBoards.com)

    Here’s proof that Internet forums are some of the most valuable sources of targeted information on Earth. You’re a woman getting ready for the end of the world (AKASHTF” or when the shit hits the fan) and you’re prepping your bug-out bag. What the hell do you do about menstruation? Thankfully user roro has the answer: “I would suggest adding at least one Diva Cup or Moon Cup to your BOB’s. They’re silicone cups that you hold with your vaginal muscles & they catch the blood and other lovely things during that time of the month. You can swim in them, too!”

    This thread is also great for the guy who, being that guy, jumps into the thread to say that anything that bleeds for days at a time must be a zombie. He’s then threatened with torture and asked about his dogs’ menstrual cycles. His counter: “we do have bitches, we put them in diapers when they are in heat.”

    Prison Stories (SilencerTalk.com])

    I never once expected to find prison fiction (I haven’t ever seen prison fiction, period) on a silenced-weapon enthusiast forum, but you learn something new every day. Russian writes “I haven’t been posting stories lately because I didn’t get much feedback on previous posts. I need some pointers on what works and what doesn’t. I know this may not be everyone’s strong suit, but I need some constructive criticism. Here’s a few stories. I would appreciate it if people let me know what they think.” To dive into the back story a bit:

    Pops and I bonded because we were both convicted of possession of unregistered machine guns. Mike, Pops, Big Man and Rudy knew each other because they were all assigned to the same 8 man room initially. Pops felt sorry for Rudy because everyone picked on him. Big Man and I hated Rudy, but we tolerated his presence because he paid Mike protection money. This situation created a lot of tension in the group.

    It’s quite the entertaining read.

    :) Went to the Kiss show last night. (Gunsnet.net)

    User Draco went to an August 31, 2010 Kiss show in Georgia and shared the video from the poorly-attended concert above. This thread quickly devolves into Kiss-bashing, which is cause for consternation among the Kiss faithful. It also turns into an argument about how old/young men/bands suck. I mostly like this thread because of the emoticon in the header.

    Bonus Non-Gun Forum Gun Thread: Post your arsenal (TeamSpeed.com)

    While it may surprise some that gun forums can be endearingly filled with goofball comments and helpful advice, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that other forums can have the kind of lunacy we’ve come to expect from the depths of the Web. TeamSpeed is a notorious place for the obnoxiously rich to show off their ostentatious wealth, mostly in the form of supremely expensive automobiles that regularly end up crashed. While it’s mildly creepy that user RufMD referred to the group shots of his numerous assault rifles and other weapons as a “family portrait,” nothing beats the mind-melting picture Club411 posted, featured above.