us

The VICE Channels

    Sexting Etiquette for Dapper Dudes and Classy Ladies

    Written by

    Jenny Pacillo

    I worked in a middle school a few years back, not as a lunch lady or anything weird like that, but as a special ed aid. This is about the time that “sexting” became popular. Clearly, I had been sending dudes fresh texts the second I got a cell phone, so it was neat to finally have a name for one of my favorite hobbies.

    Obviously everyone knows what sexting is, but I would just like to explain it because I send these articles to my grandmother, and I don’t want to have to break down sexting to her face-to-face.

    Basically, you take about a 100 pictures of your ass in cute underwear and then one comes out good so you text it to a dude. Or if you’re a guy, you send a girl a text that’s like, “this dick ain’t gonna suck itself.” The whole point of sexting is that as soon as the recipient gets it, they will speed over to your house for some hot sex.

    As with any type of social exchange, there is a certain etiquette that needs to be followed.

    • For starters, don’t send a sext to someone who might not be down. If you want to test the waters, say something like, “do you like me? Y or N.” If they respond in a negative way, just pretend that you are drunk at a party and someone stole your phone.
    • When sending a picture, make sure it’s not trashy. I knew a kid whose ratty girlfriend sent him pictures of her prying her vag open with these awful blue acrylic nails and he sent it to his friends who sent it to their friends, and so on.
    • The most important thing to learn is don’t ever include your face in a sext message. Classic mistake. Holy cow. You might think that you and the person receiving the text are going to be together forever, but that’s stupid. And let’s be real: whenever I get a sexy text message, the first thing I do is send it to my best gal pals and we all scream and die of laughter.

    Sexting is always risky though, just look at the case of Anthony Weiner. He never included his face, he wasn’t trashy about it, and always sent them to girls he knew were D.T.F., and he still got boned. Sexting is a dangerous game sometimes, but it’s always worth it. You can’t expect to get dick pics if you don’t send out some artsy shots of your boobs strategically covered with suds during a bubble bath photo shoot.

    I feel like I am the Emily Post of sexting. You can expect to see a guideline of rules and ideas at your local bookstore. Love letters and Valentine’s are no longer relevant, romance is all about sending filthy text messages to the object of your affection, and everybody needs to jump on board. Please let me know if you have any questions, as I am always happy to help.

    Follow Motherboard on Twitter

    Photo: Tiffy’s World

    Connect To Motherboard

    Most Popular

    Comments
    comments powered by Disqus